it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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