TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
