Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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