I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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