Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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