help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
