Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
