I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
