3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
