I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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