I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
