brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
