I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
