he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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