She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
