So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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