I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
