Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
im on a boat
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