My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
