You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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