Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
