I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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