Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
