is your mom at the bar?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
