I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I touched a dick in church today
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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