last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
