What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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