Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
