you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
