DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
