bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
