Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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