I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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