Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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