so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
