i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
