Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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