I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
