After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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