I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
