He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
