YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
