she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
