She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
