So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
