Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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