Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
