Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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