that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
