I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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