I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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