she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
