I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
