I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
