Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
