Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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