FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
